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Becoming No Ordinary Men
By Brian Jones
Reaching, striving, searching, straining, driving, and at times, even retreating. They are the words that often-times neatly capture the whole of men's lives. All of the complexities and emotions of life are conveniently rolled up into nice neat one word definitions. Predetermined boxes that men slip into, rarely considering it they fit them personally. From a distance, they are obviously far too short and simplistic definitions to be realistic, however many men allow themselves to be defined by these restrictions created by society because they are just too busy, or don't know how, to step out and redefine themselves.
We are taught that we are masters of own destiny, yet it doesn't feel that way. Recently, in an excerpt from Dr. Bryan R. Salminen's book No Ordinary Men (www.new-gate.org), I found an overview that captured not just how men are trained to feel, but rather how they actually feel when faced with real life:
Much of the current literature on men's issues suggests that men in our culture are in the middle of a deep dilemma. They are the most externally powerful group of people in the world; they know the formula for success; they are privy to the old boys' club; they have all the advantages of strength and skill; they make more money than women; they have visibility. At the same time many of them feel trapped in their roles, with very few other options in life, having to compete forever to get to the glorified "top." They are very unhappy. The dilemma is that they can't figure out why they're unhappy. They have or are headed for all the things society has promised men who do well. Yet something is wrong, and they're unclear what it is. And no one feels sorry for them because, after all, they're on top and they should be happy. So characteristically they twist and turn, and about the time of midlife show their deep-seated dilemma by leaving their wives, losing their jobs, moving away, pretending to be twenty-five again, getting ill, being miserable, or dying.
The problem is that the dream they all thought they had bought into freely is a myth. They are in much more tightly prescribed boxes than most women are, and they don't know how to get out. The prescription for men is to get education or skills to land a job at twenty, work with few breaks until sixty-five, and then die within five years. They look at the dream: the right position with the responsibility and authority and power, the right salary the right home in the right place, the right spouse, and the right kids. And somewhere along the way they discover (or more accurately, try to hide) that they either do not really want or cannot achieve the dream their family, peers, community, and they themselves have fostered. So they feel like failures because they are not perfect. And, of course, this is the first big part of the myth. It says that perfection is desirable and that men can surely attain it because of all their opportunities. The second and equally big part of the myth says that being perfect means meeting our culture's definition of "success" which will bring satisfaction, happiness, or some reward.
So what do most men do? Most men who face this dilemma just take a peek at it and find it too awesome to investigate. They close off the part of themselves that is beginning to ask questionsthe part getting suffocated in the narrow boxand they plod along, complaining of "something wrong in the organization" or of their inability to change because they've got too much invested already. To look at the unknown and to sort out and unravel the long-term myths with which they have learned to operate is just too frightening and confusing. Our culture also prescribes men's behavior and emotions. They are to be characteristically strong and not show emotion. Looking at the dilemma and the myths would force them to look at their real selves, their inner life, perhaps even to feel some new emotions, and that is both unusual and frightening.
If you share these few brief paragraphs with most men you will be greeted with silence; dead silence. Most of us prefer not to acknowledge the boxes that we find ourselves in, or deal with the emotions and fears kept buried far below the surface. I would suggest, if we hope to live fully, that we consider the silence and ask, why? It's time to start considering why we have allowed ourselves to be defined by others, and how we can begin the process of rewriting the script.
Brian Keith Jones
bkj@briankeithjones.com
Brian Keith Jones earned a his Masters and Professional Degrees from the University of Michigan. Jones has been a business executive in a multi-national corporation responsible for North America, a business owner, consultant, public speaker and free lance writer. www.new-gate.org
Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com ... CHRISTIAN WRITERS
By Brian Jones
Reaching, striving, searching, straining, driving, and at times, even retreating. They are the words that often-times neatly capture the whole of men's lives. All of the complexities and emotions of life are conveniently rolled up into nice neat one word definitions. Predetermined boxes that men slip into, rarely considering it they fit them personally. From a distance, they are obviously far too short and simplistic definitions to be realistic, however many men allow themselves to be defined by these restrictions created by society because they are just too busy, or don't know how, to step out and redefine themselves.
We are taught that we are masters of own destiny, yet it doesn't feel that way. Recently, in an excerpt from Dr. Bryan R. Salminen's book No Ordinary Men (www.new-gate.org), I found an overview that captured not just how men are trained to feel, but rather how they actually feel when faced with real life:
Much of the current literature on men's issues suggests that men in our culture are in the middle of a deep dilemma. They are the most externally powerful group of people in the world; they know the formula for success; they are privy to the old boys' club; they have all the advantages of strength and skill; they make more money than women; they have visibility. At the same time many of them feel trapped in their roles, with very few other options in life, having to compete forever to get to the glorified "top." They are very unhappy. The dilemma is that they can't figure out why they're unhappy. They have or are headed for all the things society has promised men who do well. Yet something is wrong, and they're unclear what it is. And no one feels sorry for them because, after all, they're on top and they should be happy. So characteristically they twist and turn, and about the time of midlife show their deep-seated dilemma by leaving their wives, losing their jobs, moving away, pretending to be twenty-five again, getting ill, being miserable, or dying.
The problem is that the dream they all thought they had bought into freely is a myth. They are in much more tightly prescribed boxes than most women are, and they don't know how to get out. The prescription for men is to get education or skills to land a job at twenty, work with few breaks until sixty-five, and then die within five years. They look at the dream: the right position with the responsibility and authority and power, the right salary the right home in the right place, the right spouse, and the right kids. And somewhere along the way they discover (or more accurately, try to hide) that they either do not really want or cannot achieve the dream their family, peers, community, and they themselves have fostered. So they feel like failures because they are not perfect. And, of course, this is the first big part of the myth. It says that perfection is desirable and that men can surely attain it because of all their opportunities. The second and equally big part of the myth says that being perfect means meeting our culture's definition of "success" which will bring satisfaction, happiness, or some reward.
So what do most men do? Most men who face this dilemma just take a peek at it and find it too awesome to investigate. They close off the part of themselves that is beginning to ask questionsthe part getting suffocated in the narrow boxand they plod along, complaining of "something wrong in the organization" or of their inability to change because they've got too much invested already. To look at the unknown and to sort out and unravel the long-term myths with which they have learned to operate is just too frightening and confusing. Our culture also prescribes men's behavior and emotions. They are to be characteristically strong and not show emotion. Looking at the dilemma and the myths would force them to look at their real selves, their inner life, perhaps even to feel some new emotions, and that is both unusual and frightening.
If you share these few brief paragraphs with most men you will be greeted with silence; dead silence. Most of us prefer not to acknowledge the boxes that we find ourselves in, or deal with the emotions and fears kept buried far below the surface. I would suggest, if we hope to live fully, that we consider the silence and ask, why? It's time to start considering why we have allowed ourselves to be defined by others, and how we can begin the process of rewriting the script.
Brian Keith Jones
bkj@briankeithjones.com
Brian Keith Jones earned a his Masters and Professional Degrees from the University of Michigan. Jones has been a business executive in a multi-national corporation responsible for North America, a business owner, consultant, public speaker and free lance writer. www.new-gate.org
Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com ... CHRISTIAN WRITERS
Becoming No Ordinary Men
What kind of man are you? A Scarecrow? A Tin Man? A Cowardly Lion? A Wizard?
What kind of man are you? A Scarecrow? A Tin Man? A Cowardly Lion? A Wizard?
Why Are Unhappy People Unhappy? Unhappy people are usually unhappy because they have not mastered the ability to be happy within themselves. Therefore, they may try and gain happiness/pleasure through others no matter what that entails. Don't get confused with my usage of unhappiness and then compare it to depression because they are two different things. This article is about unhappy people - not depressed people.
Friendships and Hair Issues Well-meaning friends offer advice to help us and have the solution to a part of our problem, but may not know the entire answer for us. And that's ok. Friendships are important, because while you may not know all the answers to help your friend through the entire problem, you can advise her on what you do know.
NICODEMUS Secret Friend of Jesus I am Nicodemus, one of the religious leaders in Israel. I am a very powerful and wealthy man, one of the mighty Pharisees. My name comes from 2 words: "Nike" and "Demos": it literally means...
Sharing a Few Thoughts on Spirituality and Beliefs ...by: "Craig Lock" - Spirituality is not religion. It is something different (and more profound, deeper, I believe): A "connection with the Divine" (or what mystics often call “union with God". Life is a spiritual, not a religious journey. (I think it was Wayne Dyer, who said: "We are all spiritual beings on an earthly journey").
Spirituality - Thirteen Keys for Finding Inner Peace Summary: In answer to a question from a man in West Africa, I came up with 13 keys for achieving inner peace. From meditation to self-compassion to seeing life as a grand classroom, these are points to practice for cultivating inner peace.